20231102 Back from Taiwan. My advice to a Lesbian who came out to a homophobic family. Updated.
Lots of fun Tiktoks from real Gays talking about real life.
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Back from Taipei, Taiwan and Pride Day in Taipei.
Visited about 15 Taoist Temples. Was interesting to visit a religious world that doesn’t have hating Gays as a focus. By going to Taipei, I could see Dallas.
I did a video of the Pride Event which was fabulous. I am going to upload it. Right now, I am catching up on mail, unpacking and I am dealing with jet lag.
I think we don’t realize how we live in an environment permeated by Christian homophobia and sort of accept it. Taiwan is 5% Christian. There is a difference.
Fun video from a throuple in Taiwan with subtitles. I think that throuples offer an opportunity of more security for Gays in terms of finance, housing, and generally mutual support in life and less loneliness later in life.
I posted this on Facebook in reply to a Lesbian who has just come out and is in fear of her family.
I am 71 years old and what you are dealing with is something people I have known have dealt with for decades. So, I want to share these thoughts. The MOST SERIOUS PROBLEM WILL BE MENTIONED LAST IN THIS LIST.
Jean Cocteau once famously said, "I rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not." You are making the right choice.
1. Your well-being and happiness in this matter take priority. So do what you have to do to protect yourself. Don't worry about those who behave badly. You don't owe homophobes anything.
2. If you have to cut people off, then do so. A lot of times when you cut them off, they realize that you aren't going to put up with nonsense and their behavior improves, a lot, I mean a lot. But if they don't improve, you are benefiting also.
3. Don't slowly grind yourself down with hopes that they will eventually change their attitudes and so you indulge their attitudes.
4. I have a friend who tells friends who haven't come out, "When are you going to start living your life." as opposed to living other people’s lives. You have started to live your life. So, think of that positive thing.
5. You should always expect to be treated with dignity and respect. Don't tolerate any lack of that from others. If you don't fully demand it, you are sort of cutting off little pieces of your humanity. They need to also understand it.
6. If you end up reading someone the riot act, giving them a piece of your mind, telling them to go to "H E double hockey sticks," don't regret it. You were provoked and they deserved it. Also, telling off a homophobe with full force will give you strength. It is an affirmative thing.
7. When you get someone in your life, you will not want them to have to deal with a homophobic family. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for them.
8. Don't get involved debating the Bible. That is their thing. Christians need to figure out how they exist in a universe in which Gays and Lesbians exist, not Gays and Lesbians having to figure out how they exist in Christianity.
9. They are NEVER really concerned with you being Lesbian or Gay and the prejudice you will face. That is just a cover for them picking at you.
10. MOST SINISTER. They will adopt a "Love the Sinner, hate the sin" approach. There is actually a person who gives a class on how to deal with your child but still hang on to your homophobic Christianity. This class was given by a big local Evangelical church in the DFW area.
This where you might get caught off guard.
You don't want to put up with this at all. This is dragging you into a quagmire and they are playing the game of bringing you back to Jesus as they think Jesus thinks.
FINAL COMMENTS
Make it clear that you are giving them a few months to get it together but either they are with you are they are not. If they want to be a homophobic Christian, that is there right, but they are going to be doing it without you.
You are probably a nice person, and not a mean old jerk like me. You want to be nice to people and not abrasive. But this is a situation where it is about protecting yourself, your right to exist and live. In living as a Gay or Lesbian in life, you have to protect yourself absolutely. Gays and Lesbians don't lose by some direct anti-Gay attack, but by letting things chip away at their self-worth.
Good luck!
On a personal note. Sometimes when family doesn't want to talk to you, it is a good thing. I have known Gays who were delighted that their family won't talk to them. I know another Gay who blocked his family because they were scammers. But I am assuming that isn't your case. Just remember life isn't like the TV show "The Waltons"
If you wonder why the movement is the way it is today, I think this article gives some insight.
To get past the Verizon phone tree or Chat app, the secret word is fuck you.
You need support and you get into some hopeless mess of their chat app.
Art show casing.
I want to get it started again. During the month of Sept. I was really pre-occupied with getting ready for my trip and my history presentation at a conference of historians. I am scheduled to present at another history conference coming up.
If you know a Gay artist that is interested in being showcased, have them contact me.
Tiktoks
(The Tiktok previews on Substack are alittle strange. Ignore what you see as the preview.)
Tiktok has more Gay content and it is Gay content by real Gay people and not ideologs. Further Tiktok seems to be able to have directed Gay content in your feed, whereas Facebook really doesn’t.
This is a thing on Tiktok now. It is a send up of people who claim to be bisexual, but only date men. I am not saying bisexual don’t exist, but almost all of us have meet the person claiming bisexual identity, but in reality, just can’t accept being Gay, and cling to a shred of heterosexuality.
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This guy tells off a homophobe. I think it was staged, but it is something Gays encounter.
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Reply to straight people who comment on what Gays do.
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I never had teen romance. We have a chunk of our lives stolen by homophobes.
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Send up for when people ask why you are Gay.
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Bolu Okupe, has a good response to those who complain about Pride events.
This is the attitude the Gay community needs to adopt.
Gay person ready to tell off a homophobic relative.
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Thai Rivera has a good video on YouTube.
Weight
Update: After a 3-week vacation in Taipei, my weight went up to 201.8 as of this morning (11/2/2023.) UPDATE. 11/3/2023 it was 198.8 even though it was a measurement at 3:30 am. Snacks have lots of salt. Some of that is water weight. On 11/1/2023 when I just got back, I was 205.1. So, I am still down from 225-227 before I started this program.
I started working on my regular eating habits. I am going to Thailand for field research late March and the Gay Pride event there. I have 208 more days to reach my goal. My goal is 170 pounds. That was my weight back in the day in the 1990s.
Though part of this field trip was to try food, I should have planned some back up eating arrangements. I recommend knowing where your food options are before arriving.
With 208 days, losing 30 pounds is a little less than 0.15 pounds a day. I am not sure how that might be managed. With the fluctuations of water weight and normal body cycling and other random factors, it might be hard to know you are on track.
I might just go with my diet which lost about 0.23 pounds a day and just get down to 170 pounds and be done with it. I don’t know yet.
Going to a history conference with poor food
I had to go to a history conference. Weight prior to conference, 192.4 lbs. After conference it was 197.0 lbs. and the next day after the conference it was 194.2. Probably lots of salt in the food.
The hotel was in a historic town, but also depressed town, and so food at the hotel was largely what was available. I ate the salads. I had signed up for the conference meals, but they were composed of heavy food, not particularly tasty, and I should have cut back.
The room had a refrigerator, and it was a place I could drive to, and so I could have packed food in a cooler and take it down.
A lot of the additional weight is likely water weight since I am sure there was copious amounts of salt in the food.
However, I think I could have packed food and not eaten in the hotel restaurant and I could have brought my own food to the conference meals. It would be a good way of making a statement.
Adorable video from Taiwan