Asexuals on YouTube 20211206
They see the world as over sexed and are not upfront about being asexuals
So I have been watching videos searching with the terms “Gay” and “Asexual” and watched some of the videos that showed up.
Generally Gay men who are asexual aren’t having angry attacks on the Gay community. This is a series of videos I found.
Also, they are people who are asexual men and want a relationship with a man and are trying to figure out how that might work. Given that Gay male culture is one of higher sexual activity that society in general this is a real challenge.
These aren’t bad people, they are just someone struggling and they are disconnected from some of the realities of Gay life. Perhaps they have to have some plan as opposed to being a person who has given up hope entirely. Our concern is only if they do attack the gay community, deceive Gay men or want to sexually repress the Gay community. I also get the sense that they generally don’t expect to change the Gay community.
Also, if you want to date an asexual Gay person go ahead.
These videos are informative about how asexuals think and feel. They don’t want to be fixed and if they say they are asexual I suggest you accept it. I have no problem with that. Generally, if you have sexual desire, no one has to convince you that sex is desirable.
Also, if you are Gay and asexual it isn’t an issue. The are a lot of Gays who aren’t asexual and it isn’t like Gay men don’t have choices and are constrained to date an asexual Gay person. I very much support asexuals being upfront about it, so we can avoid them.
The issue is when asexual ideology is repressive or exploitive of the Gay community.
These are the general themes from these Gay asexual videos and show the problems that the Gay community can likely face in dealing with asexuals.
They say it is a myth that asexuals are anti-sex, but then they use terms like “hypersexual,” “promiscuous,” “oversexualized,” etc. which show that they aren’t really comfortable with sexuality.
They aren’t upfront about being asexual. They might start dating or meeting someone and it will be later on that they will tell that person that they are asexual. This is obviously because if the Gay person they hope to have a relationship with knew that they were asexual upfront the interaction would basically stop then. It is a deception by ommission because they are withholding information which the person they hope to form a relationship with would think is important at that time of first meeting to make a decision.
They have sex with Gay men to forestall revealing they are asexual to potential boyfriends. Generally Gay men have sex upfront and relations may or may not follow afterwards. This isn’t true in all situations, but if you are at a Gay nightclub meeting someone often it is with the expectation that you will go home and have sex. I call this stringing Gay men along. That is to keep the Gay man’s interest forestalling revealing to the Gay person that you are asexual.
Asexuals talk about coming up with some agreement to have some sex with their potential partner as if that is an unproblematic proposal. First thing, sex is best if you know that your partner is enjoying it. It is also nice to be sexually desired. Who wants to have sex with someone who is doing it as a duty? The second is that with two persons that have sexual desire, they are giving each other joy. It is an exchange. For the asexual it is a concession for the relationship. That is the loss of the relationship is the ongoing reason for the asexual to have sex. In one of the videos you can see that the agreement over sex is mostly what the asexual thinks should happen otherwise you are a rapist. The asexuals talk about agreements, but the reality is that it is the asexual persons way or the highway.
There isn’t much talk of Gay asexuals wanting to date other Gay asexuals. I would be interested in knowing why.
Now, I don’t think that it is all that unreasonable that asexuals see the world as hypersexualized because that is who they are. However, one of the videos there is a brief complaint on dealing with Gay spaces which are oriented towards sexual goals. Given that they have this view of sexuality there is likely to be a tendency to want to make Gay spaces less sexual and generally repress the sexuality of Gay men. Respectability Gays and the LGBTQXYZ establishment likely find them useful in suppressing Gay sexual liberation.
So here are the videos. Generally they aren’t scolds.
Times given are generally a few seconds early so you can be ready to hear what is being said.
VIDEO NO. 1
“Dating as an Asexual”
Time 2:45 mentions that he has been dating and that “at some point” he is going to have to tell the person he has been dating that he is asexual. Seems that a Gay man might want to know that upfront.
Time 3:28. Explains that often he comes out as asexual after there have been “sexual things” done with the partner. Obviously this is to forestall mentioning he is asexual. He finds it stressful. Yes, I suppose when the Gay man realizes that he has been deceived it can be a stressful situation.
Time 3:37. Complains about “compulsory sexuality” and “homonormativity.” NO ONE is forcing him to have sex. If he told them that he was asexual upfront there likely wouldn’t be any of these “sexual things” he did with Gay men to forestall telling them that he is asexual.
Time 4:04 “The weight of sex is overvalued or over emphasized” in Gay spaces. Anti-sex attitudes. Feels Gay spaces since they are sexual spaces oppress asexuals.
Time 4:31 “sex is a big thing between gay men, that is my impression so far.”
Time 4:34 “Gay reality” … “is oversexualized.”
Time 6:25 Hasn’t dated another asexual person.
VIDEO NO. 2
Homoromantic Asexual - Some Thoughts Slice of Ace
This guy is fairly good. Advocates letting a person know you are asexual upfront. Doesn’t criticize the Gay community for its sexuality.
Time: 3:53 States that other asexuals are difficult to find. There are asexual dating apps but I don’t know if they are any good. Planning on dating Gay men who aren’t asexual and this is a justification.
Time: 4:25 On second date will explain clearly that he is asexual if they don’t know already. This person realizes that it is important to do as part of honesty in a relationship. Other asexuals should watch his video.
VIDEO NO. 3
Skip the first minute of the video which is a promotion. This is a good video to understand how asexuals see themselves. Not scolds.
Time: 3:05 “Looking into a society which is hypersexualized.”
VIDEO NO. 4 130,246 Views, 6K likes.
Talks about “partners came out with you as ace.” What this means is that the person didn’t know the person was ace when they met them and the relationship has developed to some degree before they were informed. No consideration whether the non-ace person should have been informed earlier. Honesty in a relationship isn’t discussed.
The whole video assumes that the ace person has a non-ace partner. I am not finding ace-ace relationships on the Internet. There probably is one somewhere.
Time: 3:15 Subtle shaming of people who want sex. Sexual needs are put as opposites to love. Also, even though the non-ace person was deceived from the beginning the non-ace person is to negotiate to get sex. Only an asexual would think this make sense since they don’t have sexual attraction or little sexual attraction.
Lots of talk about communication, but the most important communication would have been for the ace person to have said upfront when the relationship was beginning that they are ace. Communication is for the non-ace person to find out what the limitations in their relationship will be regarding sex.
As I stated before honesty in a relationship isn’t discussed. No consideration that the non-ace person may decide the relationship is over because it was built on deception.
Time: 4:05 If the non-ace person raises an expectation of some sex to maintain the relationship that is somehow like rape.
Time: 4:30 Has no idea what sexual activity is like for people with sex drives. Also, it gives you some idea what having an ace partner might be like. No spontaneous sex, lots of discussion. Probably you will never, never flip fuck. It becomes fairly obvious with this video that communication is to tailor the relatioship to the ace person’s asexuality.
VIDEO NO. 5 31,650 Views 2.1K likes
Very strong believer in initialism and not happy that asexuals are not considered part of the intialism. Claims a “queer” identity. This is how everyone gets thrown together.
There is a very human goal in this video, by being a “queer” sexuality she doesn’t have to feel broken. It is somewhat long and loud so you might want to go directly to the times listed and listen for only 3 or 4 minutes.
This video shows that “queer” is merely not-straight and is expected to be the grab bag for those who are not some heterosexual cis straight experience. Of course, I don’t mind if she wants to be queer or LGBTQIA++ since I think that Gays should leave the initialism.
Time: 6:13 “entirely sex obsessed world everywhere you look.”
Time: 7:22 discusses the catagory of “queer” and with this term it is how she sees the initialisms being valid and how asexual is included.
VIDEO NO.S 6,7,8 - A TRILOGY
This series has had a very high viewership.
VIDEO NO. 6 — 458,912 views as of 12/6/2021. 21K likes. — YOU CAN SKIP THIS.
This series’ love of taxonomy is really surreal. It would be helpful for you to understand Venn diagrams. An analytical person or who knows taxonomy might want to have an alcoholic beverage before watching.
They make any incident of life, a mood on a particular day a reason to creat a taxonomic catagory, rather than in life you have different experiences.
If I had a brief passion and kissed a person in a theater while watching a movie it wouldn’t just be that with these people. I would be a cineromantic if it was romantic or maybe cinesexual if I had an erotic component or both which I suppose they would have yet another term.
This group hopes that with enough taxonomy they make some sense out of a large range of individual self-definitions and rational coherence in understanding life’s experiences.
Also, it seems no one’s speculation or taxononomy may be denied, because there would be whining and so they end up in this huge superstructure of taxonomy.
VIDEO NO. 7 - 195,220 views, 11K Likes. More Taxonomic surrealism.
More taxononmy!
You can skip to 7:40 if you want to.
Time: 1:00 They think that sexual attraction and romantic attraction are like two different separable unrelated things. Though sex can be purely physical, it also can be very much part of romance. The human experience is endlessly fractionated by this group.
Time: 7:40 Asserts that ace people can’t be sex positive, then says it can be difficult for them to be so. “If not framed correctly, sex positivity can be a difficult movement for ace people to cope with.” However, when Brian elaborates it isn’t that they are sex negative, it is that they don’t want to be pushed to have sex.
Closing theme music. I know it is a slang term, but if you wanted people to not think that asexuality isn’t sex negative, I don’t know if I would use the phrase, “bump uglies” to describe sexual intercourse. Though that is probably the way they may feel about it.
VIDEO NO. 8 291,135 views, 18K likes.
More taxononomy!
You can skip even more taxonomy and just go to 6:09
Time: 6:09 to 9:50 is where they discuss that they belong in the initialism LGBTQIA+ and want to be in it because they have no place to go otherwise. However, why a community defined by the absence of desire should be lumped in with the communities defined by desire is not addressed.
Time 9:50 is where they discuss ace and aro misconceptions.
Time 10:56 Demisexuality.
Time 11:13 Discriminatory attitudes.