Transman Catfishing
Deception as a sexual orientation.
THREE IMPORTANT UPDATES AT THE END OF THIS ESSAY. (4/29/2021) (3/29/2022) Sex By Deception concerns of a trans lobby. (5/3/2022) Question whether informed consent is required.
Some transmen, Female to Male, (FTM) transexuals, have decided that the objects of their desire are men and hence will seek out men and sometimes to do this they will seek out gay men or other men in gay venues, that is others who self-identify as bisexual, etc., but not self-identified as gay, but seek to have sex with men who might be present at these gay venues also.
There is nothing wrong with that itself and if there are those who identify as gay who wish to date transmen that is no problem either.
However, there is a problem with deception, exploitation of the gay community, and then when the deceived exploited gay man expresses disapproval attacking, him, the victim, as being transphobic rather than someone as being unhappy with deception.
Also, it is appropriation in that a community’s existing practices are also attacked.
However, this essay will focus on deception as modus for SOME transmen attempting to have sexual relations with gay men. Available online is a pamphlet titled, “PRIMED: A Sex Guide for Trans Men Into Men,” published by the Gay Men’s Sexual Health Alliance in Ontario, Canada. Associated with the publication is www.queertransmen.org.
You can download the publication at this link.
https://atq1980.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/02/A-sex-guide-for-trans-men-into-men.pdf
One thing about this manual is that it does make out gay Transmen as different then cis-gay men. There is enough difference between Transmen into men and cis-gay men that there needs to be a manual written for Transmen of 36 pages. This manual by its existence denies that transmen gay men and cis-gay men are interchangeable and that cis-gay men should not differentiate in terms of desire.
The publication isn’t something produced by moralizers. In terms of venues and means of finding men it mentions cruising, parks, public washrooms, bathhouses, sex clubs, websites and apps. There are instructions on safe sex, risks of HIV, and other practical matters. There are instructions on internal condoms which I didn’t know existed, and the word vagina isn’t used but “frontal hole” instead.
There is the usual reality denying writing of transmen-oriented texts. For example, the transman reading the pamphlet is told, “In some gay communities, there is a focus on flesh cocks and muscular bodies.” The penis of gay men is made to be one type of possible cocks, and not something inherent biologically with gay men. The desire for a penis is implied then to be a fetish, a “focus.” Then there is the conflating desire for a penis with desire for a muscular body as if they are locked together, perhaps to imply these gay communities also lack body positivity thinking. Also, the sentence implies there are gay communities indifferent to penises. The attempt is to locate within the range of the existing cis-gay men, transmen as if they were just another variant, and not to feel with their not-flesh cocks, that they aren’t a part of the gay community. The entry concludes with the statement, “Also, remember that even in gay communities of cis men there is a lot of variation, form cock size and body type, to hair distribution and height.” So, the transmen possession of dildoes which they call cocks, or what might have been constructed with surgery or transformations that might happen with testosterone is made to seem as if it within the distribution of penises of cis-gay men, that is the regular mix of gay men with them just being another variation. The fact that a cis gay men penis almost always is capable of ejecting sperm is a topic that is not mentioned. That would demolish the carefully built rationales underling transmen concepts of being equivalent and interchangeable with cis gay men.
The caution that gay men know that eating asparagus makes semen taste really bad is something of course that a transman with their whatever-cocks don’t need to know and it isn’t mentioned.
The manual as a whole however, has a lot what seems to be practical advice; however, I leave it to transmen to make the final judgement.
The issue of deception is revealed in a section titled, “Getting Started: Disclosing you are trans,” on page 7.
It opens up with the statement, “As gay, bi or queer trans men, we often need to decide if we want to tell the men with whom we have sex that we’re trans. That is particularly true for those of us who are ‘read’ by others as cis-men.”
Notice that it isn’t that transmen present as cis-men, they are “read” as cis-men. This means that there is no deception involved by transmen, just mistaken perceptions by cis-men which are only to be corrected when it is convenient or fits into the plans of a transman. Even if it is in a venue where the prevailing belief is that it is a venue for cis-men, the use of “read” makes it the mistaken assumption of cis-men and there is no responsibility for the transman to be correct the mistake of others. This is despite the fact that great effort is put in by transmen so they are “read” as cis-men.
The gay community is composed of men from all social strata, levels of education, degrees of perception and intelligence, work experience, etc. Some will likely be more likely to continue to “read” and not realize that a person is a transman and evidently it is okay to exploit these members of the gay community.
The other key word is “if,” there might not be any information given at all with the person who they have sex with which implies that it might be disclosed at any point in the process of interpersonal activities leading up to sex as well as during or after, and again it might not be disclosed at all.
The section then goes on to discuss the when, where and how of disclosure in terms of the needs of the transman. Nothing is considered in terms of the cis-man and his identity, his feelings, whether he feels his body has been used or transgressed or whether he might feel deceived. Deception as it is commonly understood can be by both acts of commission and by omissions. It doesn’t matter whether others feel his views are retrograde or not sufficiently avant-garde, it is his body to be used as he intended within his own understandings despite what academic conference might think his desire or beliefs should be.
Sex without permission is rape and it isn’t permission, consent, if the person giving permission or consent is deceived, whether by acts of omission or commission, into having given uninformed consent. This is an instruction manual for sexual predators.
In medical experimentation, in gathering medical information, in many matters, informed consent is understood to be the basic standard of ethical behavior. However, for transmen, informed consent regarding gay men, is just an option.
In this manual the cis-man is just a human dildo to be managed.
Later in the manual it says that in a park, that depending on what type of sex you might be choosing you might not have to disclose that you are trans and suggests a sexual activity in which you might not have to reveal that you are trans. The men in the park are acting on the belief which has largely been true until the last maybe at most ten years that the men they see are cis-men. The manual is advising on how cis-men might be deceived. Again, what might be the feelings of cis-men so deceived is not considered or the issue of informed consensual sex.
Of course, when the revelation of identify occurs at some point prior to sex but after the interpersonal process leading to sex is underway, the cis-man is likely to be upset at being deceived, having dashed expectations, and the loss of time, effort, and lost alternative opportunities and he is likely to express it. At this point the transman will represent himself as being the victim and the actual victim as being transphobic, adding slander to the other victimizations of the cis-man.
It doesn’t seem to be a concern that the sexual violation of gay cis-men is a concern of the Gay Men’s Sexual Health Alliance.
Since the “leadership” in the LGBT community has given their approval to deception they shouldn’t be surprised that as there are more victimizations of gay cis-men in the future that they lose moral credibility.
Also, it should not be surprising that gay cis-men will adopt strategizes to avoid victimization. Gay apps will likely see an uptick as to gay cis-men making it clear they are cis-men to assure other cis-men what their identify is. Perhaps a cis symbol will be adopted. There will likely be a growing acceptance of asking indirectly or directly what the other persons status is with the understanding that it is isn’t rude. An indirect statement might be, “I am cis,” with a pause for the other person to reveal identity. Of course, no one is going to force a transman to reveal their identity, but no one is going to be forced to stay with a person unwilling to reveal a crucial matter either. Cis-men have autonomy also.
After a few cases at the club where a cis-man finds that his “read”[ing] of a person as cis has led to an investment of time and effort, a loss of alternate opportunities, leading up to a crashed attempted pickup, transmen should not be surprised that the information about who is a transman in a club is eagerly sought after and exchanged. A simple attempt to socialize by a transman might be confused or conflated with an attempt to deceive. Every gay cis-man who feels he is deceived will be informing his friends of the risk of deception and transmen should not be surprised that they are seen as hazards.
If you are driven to deceive it will result in that people are going to imagine that you are possibly aggressive since you are ruthless enough to deceive. Don’t be surprised that the first response in a social setting will be to let you know that you aren’t a potential sex partner.
Transmen may proclaim it is transphobia all they want, but people don’t like being deceived or their bodies used without informed consent. All the pronouncements of committees and academic conferences won’t change that, but merely drive it underground. The “leadership” of LGBT institutions shouldn’t be surprised to find the everyday gay cis-man regarding them negatively.
UPDATE (4/29/2021)
If you think that the person is not a transman because of the bulge in the pants think again. These are websites which make penile prosthetics for FTM, female to male transgender, transmen.
There is nothing wrong with them getting these things, and if it makes them happier, they should. These links should only be viewed for the gay man who isn’t interested in dating a gay man to realize that a picture of a clothed individual doesn’t necessarily allow the viewer to discern whether a person is trans or not. Even a nude sent needs close inspection, which you are probably doing anyways, but I mean needing a close inspection looking for different things. They are fairly realistic in both looks and flexibility and manipulation, these aren’t some shoddy constructions, and you might not tell that a person was trans by just feeling them up. Given the desire of some transmen to fool gay men this shows that you have to be wary.
Note that some of these are so the individual can stand and pee.
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SEX BY DECEPTION
Go to page 31 in the following report.
https://www.stonewall.org.uk/system/files/a_vision_for_change.pdf
INFORMED CONSENT DISCUSSED ON BBC SEGMENT
Can only play back in the UK due to some rights issue.
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p0bqqgq8
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