Fundamental Elements of Being Gay
If there is going to be a Gay movement, there needs to be an understanding of what are the fundamental elements defining Gay life.
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Why is this important?
Without defining the fundamental elements in being Gay we can’t define a program to be the basis of a Gay centric movement.
Understanding what the fundamental elements of being Gay will help us understand what a Gay movement should aim to achieve, what are the needs of the Gay community, and also what advantages we will have and what are the obstacles we will face.
I am developing my thoughts about being Gay and what a Gay movement should be. By considering these different questions I am developing my thoughts.
It is what you could call an iterative process.
So far I have written this, but I will be wanting to have a 2nd edition at some point. It isn’t something I can write all at once. I do want to share might thinking as I develop it, but I am still developing my thoughts on the subject of being Gay.
Earlier writings on being Gay.
Fundamental elements of being Gay
This list is meant to define the key elements about being Gay and not discuss all the implications of these elements.
[0] We homosexual men. That is men who have sexual attraction to other men. We are not homogender or other theoretical speculations.
[1] We are universal. We are of all races, nationalities, peoples, tribes, and of all places because we are born of all humanity everywhere. Our collective intelligence contains the entire experience of the human race. We are collectively La Raza Cósmica. Our relatives are very unlikely to be Gay and so the majority of peoples everywhere have at least one Gay person who is a relative. The majority of humanity has at least one Gay person who is a relative.
[2] Every Gay person under goes a great transformative process in life sometimes called, “coming out to themselves.” From not knowing that you are Gay to knowing that you are Gay. Then unchosen, regardless how you might feel, and often against how you might feel, you change from being like your peers, to realizing that you are profoundly different, that you are the other, you have different desires.
[3] Meeting each other for typical social activities, romance, sex, organizing requires methods of collecting ourselves and concentrating ourselves since we are only about three percent of the population, but dispersed in the general population. The usual means by which straight people might meet each other, is largely not possible for Gays. Even without the issue of potentially there being violence due to a straight person being angry at a Gay person’s expressed interest, there are challenges. In everyday life, you might see some person which interests you, but the odds are 30 to 1 he isn’t Gay. Gays outside Gay venues and in general life have elaborate practices of verbally “dropping pins,” glances, returned glances and other things to identify whether a person might be Gay prior to expressing an interest when such practices are possible and they aren’t always. The usual methods of family, co-workers, associates, are unlikely to facilitate you meeting someone.
[4] The process of concentration means that in those places where Gays do meet each other, or by the means they meet each other, they will meet a wide diversity of people of different races, social classes, religious backgrounds, occupations, ethnicities, political beliefs, and geographical origins. They will potentially meet Gays from anywhere people are born.
[5] For nearly every Gay person, there is a time when a fundamental part of who they are, that they are Gay, is also a deep secret kept from their family, from a short time where they are giving it consideration whether should tell their parents or not, or years, waiting until they are in a safe situation to let their parents know.
There is a time in a Gay persons life where they need to consider how dangerous their family might be to themselves. Even if not a danger to themselves, how they might lose support of their family and relatives, in ways that might not be overtly homophobic, but more subtle. Even if the parents have professed support for their neighbor’s son being Gay, they might not be prepared for their son being Gay. It is very likely that the support of some relative will be lost because they are Gay. Often Gays are victims of violence and verbal denunciation and loss of housing from their parents.
[6] Your family is very unlikely to give you any useful advice about living a Gay life however well-meaning they may be. It simply isn’t their lived or felt experience. You will learn about being Gay from other Gays in the Gay life you are going to live.
Your family, however well meaning, imprints Gays growing up with ideas and expectations for straight life which misdirects Gays in dealing with life. David Leavitt, explained this in his novel, “The Lost Language of the Cranes,” about the life of a Gay person raised by two Gay parents, versus other characters who were raised by straight parents.
[7] Gay sexual activity doesn’t result in reproduction. Thus, most Gays will not be raising children except if they consciously chose to do so where they might adopt. Nearly most Gays won’t be part of the infrastructure of the heterosexual cycles of reproduction. Instead, they will have time and resources to direct into activities of their choosing opening up many opportunities for them.
[8] Gays, being men, will have abundant opportunities for much more sexual activity than straights and in different venues and different ways than straights. Their sexual activity exists entirely outside of heterosexual roles, restrictions, and practices. Given that we are a global community and we are concentrated from the backgrounds of life, and we exist outside regular social networks, sexual activity across social differences will be way more common than it is in heterosexual life.
[9] Society, in law, social practices, religion, customs, music, art, drama, theater, literature, and in most everything, is mostly structured around heterosexuality and its cycles of reproduction in ways that are obvious, and in many ways that aren’t so obvious, for heterosexuals. We might not see how heterosexuality permeates the structuring of society, because being these practices are done by nearly all of society, and so they seem to be the ordinary general practical choice. Gays exist outside the structures of heterosexual society and being outside, they can see into it.
[10] Gays will experience unreasoning prejudice from different individuals, organizations, religions, movements, governments. Even from people that seem to be unprejudiced, there can come the moment when you realize they have always regarded you as a lesser person because of your homosexuality. Gays will face potential violence and crime as a result of prejudice or criminals opportunistically taking an advantage of Gay vulnerability in certain situations.
[11] The great challenge Gays face is that they might internalize the prejudices of society towards Gays, rather than having a view that they won the lottery in being Gay. They will emphasize they had no choice, to relieve themselves of moral responsibility for what would be in their minds a bad choice.
[12] Straight people, however, well meaning, regardless of what efforts they might take to understand Gay life, won’t really fully understand Gay life though they might think they do.
Specific projects related to these fundamental Elements of being Gay.
This relates to the need to collect ourselves. #3 in the list above.
This relates to #4, potential lack of family support, #5, lack of children to help you in your older age, and #10, you will face prejudice.
Relationship posts are related to #3 above, in regards to the challenges of Gays meeting a significant other.
The Gay art posts are about building Gay identity, relevant to item #11 and somewhat related to item #6.
All the health related posts are relevant to #8, greater sexual opportunities, #10 facing prejudice in health care, and finding opportunities in health care to have an advantage over homophobes.
These are actions relevant to defending ourselves from homophobia, #10.
We need to be creative and not just rely on electoral politics and the fortunes of just one political party.
The BL project is to harness a cultural force against discrimination, relevant to #10 above, Gays face discrimination and prejudice.
Differential advantages can be exploited to give us an edge over homophobes.
Recognizing who our homophobic advesaries are and developing counter strategies are important.
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Interesting post, not read one like this for a whole. On the whole quite true, and factual though I feel less angst over familial lethality. I think sex Life for gays has dramatically changed, internet and apps have allowed enormous numbers of gays to go in the closet or never exit but still have sex without appearing in public, so to speak.
The final comment is the least debatable.
I’ve found it endlessly humorous how straight people conceive of life for gays even ones who don’t have an anti-gay bone in their body.
I think straights also come out, so to speak, at puberty and have to find out what sex means to them as an adult. Not in the fetish or sex act sense but in the “what is the adult sexual being me” sense. It’s something you form or find, and live into rather than being obvious.